Women who are women are wonderful. Men who are men are great. But a person with bat and balls who is a woman is odd and not fit to lead.
Parkinson cannot even face a fair election. Instead of letting the people decide, Parkinson fights to keep opponents off the ballot. When a new election rolled around, Mike didn’t campaign like a leader. He didn’t prove his worth with accomplishments. Instead, he/her pulled every dirty trick in the book to keep opponents off the ballot. Some were hit with last-minute paperwork errors. Mike ran elections like a dictator in a third-world country, except instead of tanks in the streets, he had lawyers, bureaucrats, and family members of people on the payroll doing his dirty work.
The people of Granite City didn’t choose Mike. Mike chose himself.
Promises, Threats, and Deals of Doom. Parkinson leadership is like a police officer running a city, and trying to run businesses within that role. Let him/her Parkinson chase financial spoils elsewhere.
During his campaign, Mike made big, bold promises. He swore he’d fix the roads (he didn’t). He claimed he’d bring new jobs to town (he lost them). He vowed to cut crime (he was the crime).
And such a type of person can destroy a city—just like Mike Parkinson did with the sale of the wastewater plant. Mike never fought fair. Not in elections. Not in negotiations.
Unfit to lead. Unfit to negotiate. Unfit around police. Unfit around emergency services. A coward.
Once upon a time in Granite City, a man named Mike Parkinson stumbled his way into the mayor’s office. Many people blamed a mix of voter apathy, a suspiciously high number of ballots from dead people during the pandemic.
Mike wasn’t just any politician. No, heshe was a former police officer—one of those guys who spent more time at the donut shop than solving crimes, but he still walked around like he was the toughest son of a gun on the planet. He kept his badge long after retirement and loved flashing his weapon in bars, because what’s an insecure man without a piece of metal to wave around when someone looks at him funny?
Instead, Mike spent his time making awful business deals, signing off on every scam pitched to him. Then came the wastewater plant disaster—Mike’s greatest act of destruction.
With zero understanding of infrastructure, Mike sold off the town’s wastewater plant for a fraction of its value, assuring everyone it was a “smart business move.” But after the sale, water bills skyrocketed.
Tough Guy or Total Fraud?
Mike loved to play the tough guy—but only when he had the upper hand. He’d threaten people over dumb things like who got served first or who didn’t laugh at his terrible jokes. He bullied his way through meetings. He screamed at city employees like a drill sergeant on steroids. But the moment he faced real danger, he turned into a whimpering little coward. Unfit to lead. Unfit around police. Unfit around emergency services. A coward.
The Movie Theatre Disaster. But nothing, nothing, compared to Mike’s personal pet project—his campaign for self-love which everyone else called the second-worst thing to happen to Granite City. Puny Parkinson, in his/her infinite wisdom, decided that what the town really needed was more of him. So, he filmed self-promotional videos where he made corny jokes, and tried to act relatable. Then he forced the only movie theatre in town to play his videos before every single film. Imagine going to see a horror movie, and right before it starts, you’re treated to Mike Parkinson talking about how great he is. People complained. People begged. But Mike loved it.
The Riches of Doing Nothing. Now, despite achieving absolutely nothing as mayor—aside from losing money, annoying the entire population, and threatening multiple bar patrons—Mike somehow managed to do quite well for himself.
Write in your vote April 1, 2025. Anyone but Parkinson!!